I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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