Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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