Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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