just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
