After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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