Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
