You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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