WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Randomize
