the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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