I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
