i permit you to call me
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
