i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
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my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
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Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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