You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
