HIV tests are more positive than that guy
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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