I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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