Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
