i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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