Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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