If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
