Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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