remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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