okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
