I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
her vagine was all disorganized.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
