are you still at the devil's house?
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How does it feel to date your dad?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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