we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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