I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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