I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
