did you get engaged???
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i think i have two assholes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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