I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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