that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
