I am in a vortex of obligation.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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