Have you finally orgasmed yet?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
