its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
