I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
we're making bets on your personal life
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
