At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
