well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
