We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
