Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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