Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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