Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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