It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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