i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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