I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
