i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
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you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
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to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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