Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
