well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
