and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
