Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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