Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
