If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
