At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
