His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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