why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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