I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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