you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
