I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
