I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
