Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
