you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
