I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
