Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
