been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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