I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize