I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
