he thought i was a dude.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
