I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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