just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
