keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
