I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
