its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Randomize
