I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
