My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
