Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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